Again With the Weight Thing...

A few weeks ago I jotted down how I was feeling so that I can gauge progress and maintain motivation for losing weight...

I feel like I am dying.
The simplest tasks prove difficult at best and leave me huffing for air afterwards. I can only play with my own son (Fischer) for about five or ten minutes before I have to sit down. My wife and I don’t talk much any more. We sit on our rear ends and stare at the TV. Our poor son must feel so neglected by us...
Going to bed proves to be difficult because I have terrible indigestion and heartburn EVERY night. I can’t breathe because I stuff myself at every meal. My heart feels like it’s pumping overtime. I know I have a heart flutter (the doc says it’s nothing) but it feels worse when I’m out of shape.
I don’t sleep right, work well, or relate well to others when I’m out of shape. I seek approval in others when I really need to get to the place where I approve of myself.
What am I afraid of? Last time I got into shape for a while, but then I got sick and stopped working out. When I restarted, I couldn’t breathe and found that I had asthma. I’ve never had asthma in my life! I guess I am afraid that something else will happen or that the asthma will come back with a vengeance if I exercise.
And worst of all, I don’t talk to God much any more. My spiritual life is limping along like my physical life. No direction, no discipline.
But now, I have a chance to get in shape again. Do I have the motivation?
I feel terrible now. My goal is to write again in two or three months and write down the difference in hopes that the "good" feeling from taking care of my body will outweigh the feeling of being out of shape. Let’s see what happens...