Appreciate Your Volunteers

There is a group of people that make me smile when I think about them: VOLUNTEERS!
Volunteers are the pillars of the church. Without volunteers, chairs would not get set up, meals would not be cooked, classes would not be taught, and church vans would not be driven. Without volunteers, ministry would be EXTREMELY difficult.
Most volunteers do not realize the importance of their role.
1. Ministers cannot conjure up "ministry excitement" all the time. They NEED church members to take up the torch, to back them up, to be excited and supportive. In fact, truth be told, programs are BETTER when volunteers play an integral part in planning them!
2. Ministers cannot do all the work. They either need help planning or executing the programs for their ministries.
3. Volunteers keep ministers honest. As a youth minister, one of the things I struggle with the most is being paid for my job. Would I still do it if I wasn't paid? Could I? Then I see someone volunteering to be the youth worker for a small church, and I think, "YES! If I weren't paid, I would want to be like THAT person!"

I try to tell those small-church volunteers how much I appreciate them. At our annual youth rally, I don't want them to pay admission. Last year, I was blessed to pull them into a room and try to give them some encouragement and resources.
In fact, I probably show my appreciation to other volunteers better than the volunteers at my own church!
As far as my own volunteers, I am still learning. Notes, emails, phone calls, a personal thank-you...but more is coming! I hope I will always keep learning how to encourage my volunteers and give them ownership of our church's ministry to young people.

Do-It-Yourself

Finally, I am coming to the realization that you just can't do it yourself in youth ministry.
This was the first year I had two interns. Do I regret it? No way!
But I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't a little worried. Worried that the interns would slack off on the job? Worried that they would be insufficient?
NO! I was worried that they would SUCCEED!
And succeed they did.
I witnessed them in action. Their classes were fantastic. They were funnier than me. They were up on all the latest trends! And above all, I watched them have some deep spiritual conversations with teens...without me!
This disturbed me at first. It made me think that I was losing touch and declining in effectiveness. It really made me wrestle with my ego.
So what's my conclusion?
The teens ought to thank God that I'm not their only hope, their only contact, and their only adult friend! God knew what He was doing when he sent those interns our way!
Why should God only do His work through me? It makes WAY more sense to use a lot of people!
More interns, more contacts for lost and hurting teenagers, more godly people, more God...and less of me. Thank you for teaching me, Father!

Planning Your Programs

Despite all the negative talk about programs (in youth ministry circles), I think they are still important. "It's about relationships, not programs!" say some youth ministry gurus.

But, if you just hang out all the time with no direction or purpose, where will that get you?

Here are some things I try to keep in mind as I plan different programs/events for our youth ministry:

PURPOSE: Each program should have a purpose. And, yes, fun can be a purpose! Some people think relationships should happen without the help of programs. I agree, but don't think that's always the case. You might have some shy teenagers who will not call anyone else in the youth group under normal circumstances, but will make great buddies when they play video games together! Relationships, Worship, Outreach, and Equipping are my "Purpose" categories.

ABSENCE: I have noticed this powerful tool only recently. Sometimes, I will purposefully plan ZERO ACTIVITIES for a week or two, and the teens never fail to ask, "What are we doing this week?" Sometimes, they are grateful for the break, and sometimes they show disappointment. This is the perfect opportunity for me to tell them to plan something themselves, call a friend, gather at someone's house! If your group is constantly busy, they may not realize what they are missing.

DIVERSITY: Sometimes we get stuck in a programming rut. It's so easy just to recycle the programs that worked really well in the past. That paintballing trip may be fun, but you also might be alienating someone who hates getting shot by little balls of paint while running through the woods. Be careful to keep in mind your girls, athletic kids, intellectuals, extreme sports enthusiasts, gamers, and the apathetic kids who just like to "hang out" when planning your events.

COST: Keep a good balance between low-dough or free events and high dollar ones. Remember that parents are already spending a ton to entertain their teens during the summer. Be their friend and go easy on that pocketbook! Make it easy for the less fortunate kids to go to the events that you plan. Do it quietly, and don't embarass them or their families.

MOMENTUM: If you sense a good thing, don't let it die! For example, if your teens are bringing their friends, plan more events to facilitate those relationships. If families are pulling together because of your ministry, keep doing family activities. Learn to spot when things are working, and when to phase out a program for a while.

TIMING: When I arrived in Nebraska, I found out that a MAJOR part of senior year is for parents to have an open house (party) to honor their graduates. This also means that seniors (and other teens in your group) will be busy attending these parties. My first year, I tried to plan stuff during May, but I quickly learned to tone it down during this month and honor this tradition.

GOD'S WILL: Uh-oh...confession time. I'm not always the best at waiting to see what God wants me to do. Sometimes, I charge ahead without waiting for Him. Make sure that your activities and programs are God-honoring, and always brought before Him in prayer.

Virtual Conversations

The following is a conversation that played out in my head on the way home from work:

Tracy: Well, you're home late.

Me: I know, but I just need a little understanding on your part tonight. I've stayed extra busy this week, because I'm trying to take some days off next week when our baby is born! There are a lot of big projects coming up that I've been working on. Then I come home and have to take care of a pregnant wife and a hyper three-year old! Things are just discouraging right now! People don't answer their e-mails or return phone calls. They SAY they will do something, and then don't. I need help! I just feel like everything's crashing down around me right now, and...

At this very moment in my virtual conversation (I'm not kidding) my CD holder that hangs from the driver's side visor (right in front of my eyes) comes loose from the velcro and swings open right toward my face!
In a millisecond, I stopped my rant and swung my head back to avoid getting hit.
And then I started laughing...hard.
It was like God was saying, "You're taking yourself WAY too seriously, Franklin! Lighten up, son, you're too tense! Here's something to wake you up and help you have a laugh."

In case you're wondering, my lovely wife was very sweet when I got home. She never said a thing about my coming home late!

My Spiritual Gifts

Our men's retreat was encouraging and uplifting. We discussed our spiritual gifts and then took an assessment. Wanna know my results? Here are my top three...

1. Teacher - The capability and desire to serve God by making clear the truths of God.

• Characteristics: Loves to research, greatest joy is sharing insights, wants to know context, makes a complicated concept more easily understood.

2. Shepherd - The capability and desire to serve God by overseeing, training, and caring for the needs of a group of Christians.

• Characteristics: Knows the lives of people in their group, willing to help people avoid spiritual pitfalls, always there for people

3. Exhorter - The capability and desire to serve God by motivating others to action, especially with an eye toward practical solutions for the individual or the church.

• Characteristics: Able to connect people with a job that needs to be done, more willing to offer solutions rather than mere sympathy, offers positive, sincered, specific feedback, loves 'how-to' workshops.

I don't share this stuff to "show off." EVERYBODY has spiritual gifts!! It's in finding them that we gain our joy in ministry. No one gift is better than another. We need ALL the gifts to reach out to the world.

One thing I haven't figured out yet, though. How do I do MORE of what I love (see above) and less of the gifts that don't come naturally to me (administration, for example.) Am I, as a youth minister, allowed to do that? Or am I shirking my responsibility?

Hmmm...some major thoughts to chew on...

How about you? Have you ever done a spiritual gifts assessment? What are your gifts? (See Romans 12 and Eph. 4 for a good list.) Are you joyfully serving God?

Struggling

OK, here's the struggle:

We're starting our Small Groups again soon. I've got a baby on the way, and a need to be with my family more. I need to back out of leading a group and let someone else encourage ME for a while.

BUT...

I've got teens who need me. There are some parents who probably feel like I should be leading a teen group. Will the teens feel like I don't like them if I step away for a while? Do I spend enough time with them? Am I losing "momentum" if I slow things down after a crazy, but fulfilling summer?

What should I do?

Over the last few days, this song has been on the radio (multiple stations at various times.) Like a dummy, I didn't really pay attention to the words until today:

Father God, I am clay in your hands,
Help me to stay that way through all life's demands,
'Cause they chip and they nag and they pull at me,
And every little thing I make up my mind to be,
Like I'm gonna be a daddy whose in the mix,And I'm gonna be a husband who stays legit,
And I pray that I'm an artist who rises above,The road that is wide and filled with self love,
Everything that I see draws me,
Though it's only in You that I can truly see that its a feast for the eyes- a low blow to purpose.
And I'm a little kid at a three ring circus.

I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul,
Don't wanna walk away, let me hear the people say.

Being a youth minister is, in some ways, like any other job. You can work as HARD as you can for as many HOURS as you can, and be successful in the eyes of the world, but you could lose things that are precious to you. You could lose your family. You could lose sight of God. You could lose your faith. You could lose your sense of eternal purpose and be stuck on "looking good."
BUT...
I don't want to gain the whole world, and lose my soul.

Sometimes, you need to step back and make sure your soul is being fed.

I Wish I Was a Better...

Have you ever desired some traits you saw in someone else? I seem to be plagued with this affliction. Just recently, I was asked to speak at a youth rally. I found myself wishing I was funnier, especially while delivering a devo thought.
You see, my speaking style is pretty serious. I tend to get really passionate when I talk. Oh sure, I crack a few jokes here and there, but I'm no Larry the Cable Guy.

This passage in Romans 9 really speaks to me:

20But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " 21Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

My point here is not to discuss "the best" speaking style. I've heard people say they have been encouraged by funny sermons, and by those that are a little more serious.
The point is that God can use you (and me) despite what WE think we lack. There is always room for improvement, but take some time to rejoice in who you are. God made you that way!

Lessons Learned

Sorry for the selfishness of my last post. There is a good update, though! Yes, the infamous Westboro Baptist Church came to picket. They weren't close by. Nobody paid attention to them...not even the media. Ignorance, false holiness, disrespect, stupidity, and misrepresentation of God...these things did NOT win. Grace, mercy, hope, deep respect and love for the family, smiles toward Heaven, hugs, and giving all our concerns and fears to God...these things WON the day!

The family had a visitation on Monday night. There were two rooms, one of which held the open casket for people to pay their respects. I waited tensely for the teenagers to show up, knowing they were anxious about this. I had urged them to at least come and be with the family, but they were so scared of seeing Sam.
Here's the cool part...
When they finally got the courage to see him, some cried (which is good), but one or two of the girls just turned and said, "It doesn't even really look like him" to which an adult replied, "That's because he's not there any more!"
Jesus said in John 6:63 "The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing." Indeed. The Spirit is what gives life to our bodies. Without the eternal part, our bodies have no life...no uniqueness. It's so hard for us to grasp because the body is what we know.

I'm so proud of the teens in my youth group. They've been through a rough time. They have been forced to talk and talk and talk about unpleasant things. They have learned at too early of an age that life is uncertain and fragile. They have been calling and texting to check up on each other!! They've been hugging more.

The Best Youth Minister

How old is too old in youth ministry? Are there years in one's life where they might be more effective than others?
I've been watching my youth intern and his interaction with the teens, and these questions started floating around in my mind.
There are times when I think...

• The best youth ministers would be young, single people. They have lots of time (and not as many bills probably) to devote to teenagers. But then I remember when I was overlooked for one youth ministry position simply because I was not yet married. Unfortunately, there are still some folks who seem to put more trust in someone who is married.
• The best youth ministers would be young, married folks. Notice the common denominator of "young" in these comments? It just seems like as a married person, I have more family issues to deal with sometimes, and don't have as much time to be out on weeknights.
• The best youth ministers would have grown children. Again, perhaps they would have more time to devote to teenagers if there own children were away at college, or working their first job. Plus, they would have the added distinction of surviving the teen years with their own kids! I have a YM friend who just turned 40 (kids are now teenagers), and all of a sudden he's getting phone calls...offers to come serve at this or that church and speak at youth conferences.
• The best youth ministers would be those who are up-to-date on youth culture. That way they can understand and converse with teens easier and more naturally. (I say "bust a cap" and my teens just shake their heads!)
• The best youth ministers would be those who are extroverted. They speak easily with others. They always have something to talk about.

On and on the list goes. Here is an interesting clip featuring George Barna where he describes his research with teens, and what they really want in a youth minister.

Do I have to be hip? Do I have to spend every waking moment with my teenagers? Should I be dynamic and extroverted in order to get their attention?

The way I look at it, if I can make an eternal difference in ONE life, then I'm doing pretty well. I mean, even Jesus took twelve, spent extra time with three, and was betrayed by one!

You can spend your time wishing you were someone else, but then who would be YOU? It doesn't matter if you're introverted, fat, say dumb things every now and then, or even if you're allergic to peanut butter! Be yourself. Know your limitations and your strengths. Celebrate them! Serve God with what you have instead of asking, "God, why didn't you create me to be like THAT person?" (see Romans 9:20-21 on this.)

"I Want To Kill Him"

These were words written by the shooter in the recent massacre at Virginia Tech. Apparently, they were written about his stepfather.
Sigh...poor kid.
My first reaction is to scream, "What's WRONG with you? Why would you do something like this?"
My next reaction is to calm down and say, "No, seriously. Why WOULD he have done something like this?"
Apparently an extremely shy kid...Cho never spoke to anyone. He had moved from South Korea when he was eight years old.
Starved for attention, he would "sign in" at college classes with question marks instead of his name. It seems like he was subtly asking the professor, "Do YOU know my name? Do you know who I am? Do you care?"
So we have a kid transplanted kid from another country, leaving everything he knows to come to a new and strange place. His relationship with his stepfather is already not a good one. He arrives and perhaps some people tried to reach out to him, but he is painfully shy. He gets made fun of by rich kids and develops a deep anger towards them which is never released or resolved.
Could the love of Christ have reached Cho? God loved Cho with a relentless love. He was always there, offering his love and hoping.
This incident just reminds me how important youth ministry could be. Reaching out to "the new kid" is one of the best ministries you will ever do. Breaking through the "shy" kid's wall is extremely rewarding. Coaching a teenager along spiritually, emotionally and socially is SO important!! Teaching how to properly release your anger is a must for us all.
Victims, survivors and families...my prayers are with you.

Youth Ministry Information Overload

Over the past few weeks, I've become frustrated with the "talk" in youth ministry circles. Oodles of resources are out there...magazines, books, seminars, and blogs (yes, I know I have a blog. I am reprimanding myself, too!)

I've read several books and articles recently that make claims about teenagers. Apparently, we are in a new "phase" called post-modernism. The problem is, now we are putting teenagers in a box! Not all teens fit into this "model." Not all teens are the same! I can tell, for example, that there is a difference in the teens from Oklahoma and teens from Nebraska.

But the other thing that upsets me is all the TALK about how to minister to teens. We study them, analyze them, poll them, observe them, and make programs designed for them. All this "information" is driving me crazy!! One week someone says we shouldn't create big programs because teens aren't drawn to that anymore. But the next week, I hear from a church that started some program that has tremendous success among teenagers! One week, we should be a service-driven church, and the next we should be purpose-driven!

I dunno, maybe I've been reading from James too much (this is our study for Senior High this quarter) whose main message is "Quit talking about it and DO it!!!!"
I think I've been looking for information, but I have lacked motivation. I want to know, but I don't want to go.

I have been very much challenged this year to start practicing my faith. One was a lesson from Chris Seidman in which his challenge was for us (as teachers of God's word) to DO IT OURSELVES before teaching it to the church!! "No more canned illustrations from other people!" he cried. "Let's start sharing our OWN stories where God has worked through us!"
I was encouraged by the folks at Crossings Church, who are challenging each other to share their faith!

Knowledge, it seems, can only get us so far. "Faith without action," says James, "is dead."

God, I don't want to have dead faith. Forgive me for talking when I needed to be doing. Father, help me to have living faith! A faith that is backed by action! Help me to overcome the temptation to do "concept youth ministry" instead of the real thing!

Please note: If you blog about doing ministry, this is not written as a slam against you! As I mentioned earlier, I have talked about ministry on this blog also! I hope that we will be encouraged to start sharing stories of God working rather than just ideas and concepts.